


Confessions of a Bound Soul

by Chibifukurou



Category: Cain Saga and Godchild
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-23
Updated: 2010-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-13 23:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/143104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibifukurou/pseuds/Chibifukurou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I will stick by your side, until our final day. [Spoilers for Godchild book 8]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions of a Bound Soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [veleda_k](https://archiveofourown.org/users/veleda_k/gifts).



> A big thanks to iBear for coming through for me at the last minute an giving me a great beta.
> 
> This fic is far darker than I had originally planned.I know that you said you preferred to avoid death-fics, but hopefully this won't squick you. As an inner monologue on Jizabel's feelings for Cain it fit perfectly into the final scenes of Jizabel's life when he's reflecting on his relationship to Cain and Cassian.
> 
> Given your appreciation of poetry I felt that it was fitting to add a poem to the story. The original can be found [here](http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/confessions-of-a-bound-soul/)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This story was written for personal enjoyment and entertainment purposes.

  


**Confessions of a Bound Soul**

Brother, my brother,  
How selfish was I  
While you seemed to struggle,  
I sat idly by

Brother, my brother  
Yes, try as I might  
I now realize  
It was also my fight

Brother, my brother  
Now look at your arm  
It's cold and immovable  
Lost all its charm

Brother, my brother  
Now look at your leg  
There's so much left missing  
Yet not once did you beg

Brother, my brother  
Though I lost more in mass  
It is you far more haunted  
By our mistakes in the past

Brother, dear brother  
Listen when I say  
I will stick by your side  
Until this goes away

Brother, dear brother  
Listen when I say  
I will stick by your side  
Until our final day

[Amanda Saveley,December,1987](http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/confessions-of-a-bound-soul/)

Your precious guard dog has turned rabid. He kills without regret and destroys everything he touches. He was a weak man before he knew you and now that he has forgotten you he is weak again. The bond you shared with Riff was a thing of beauty and how I loathed it. I wanted such a bond for myself, and when I could not gain it I blamed you.

I rejoiced when Father destroyed the bond for me, but then I saw the monster it created and I could not find joy in the sight. Riffael isn't in his right mind and I find no joy in gloating over what his twisted shell has lost.

Does he know that he's a walking corpse yet? I don't think he does, but then I suppose it wouldn't matter if he did. He'll be put down soon enough. Father won't allow Riffael free reign. He is just a doll, for all he thinks of himself as infallible.

I dog your pet's steps, a twisted parody of his years as your shadow.

A gunshot, pain, and then I'm falling. Your loyal watchdog turned against me, not on your order but our Fathers'. How ironic that after all I have done to you, all I have done to destroy your connection to Riffael, it is the mad dog that destroys me.

I land at your feet, a broken shell of the man who sought to demolish everything you held dear. You don't spare me a glance, and I don't blame you. How I have hated you my brother, my betrayer. Do you know why God cast Cain out? It was because Cain grew jealous of God's regard for his brother and killed him so that he would be the only one God loved.

You do not deserve the name Cain as I do my brother. For you never hated me for gaining my father's regard, but then there was nothing to hate me for was there. Our father never loved me as he loved you.

I hated him for that, but now I see that I could have had the love I craved if I had simply looked in another direction. Blindness too seems to run in our blood. We could have been happy Cassain and I, but it is far too late for that now. I am beyond saving and all my guardian angel can do is watch over me as I bleed.

We are both destined to die on this day, when London falls, and if we are lucky, if you are stronger than I have ever been, Father will join us in hell.

We can finally be the family we should have been. Father will be happy as long as our mothers are there.

He loves us because of them, after all. His beloved sister's blood runs in you veins and his beloved mistress' blood runs in mine. When he looks at us he sees their faces looking back at him. The faces he loves and loathes in equal measure.

The Hargreaves blood is cursed. Black blood possessed by madness. Brother and sister, wife and husband, cursed children. I think you know as I do that it is time for our blood to be wiped from the earth.

We are tainted, the Devil's sons and there is no way for us to be saved.

Not even our Guardian angel's can manage it. Your Riff, who would rip himself in half to stand by your side, and my Cassian, who would kill the Cardmaster to steal me away. We don't deserve them.

For all that you are the savior, the good son, you still lack the goodness and innocence that you Merry has. That is the curse of our blood, killing our family and destroying us. I am glad that the gentle girl you took as your own, will not pay the price for our heritage.

I've always know she wasn't our sister, my Cain. I am a doctor after all, you could hardly trick me into falling for such a simple ruse. Father wasn't tricked either, but he allowed it because she didn't matter. Only the things our father loves, must be destroyed.

His regard for Merry's mother was a whim and any thoughts he gave towards Merry herself were with that in mind. She was a pawn, only useful for keeping you in line. Much like your Riff.

How dangerously unpredictable you could have been had your faithful dog not followed your steps.

Still, he has failed this once hasn't he? He can't follow you to our father, can't help you. His arm has turned to ash and his soul is fleeing his body, return from the depths it was raised from.

I could watch him struggle like a dog, with his leg caught in a trap, but where would be the fun in that? No, it's far better to let him die at your side, to show you your failure to protect the most important person in your life.

It will make an impression on you far deeper than any I could leave on with the blade of my scalpel. Your pain will be my legacy.

Even now as I lay dying, my blood pooling around me, my thoughts turn to you and father. I am breaking Cassian's heart but I can't help it.

Cassian was never able to own me, to save me, no matter how hard he tried. He is my angel, a light in the darkness, but I am not a moth to be drawn to the light. The darkness is what drives me. There is nothing darker than humanity, than the spirit, which haunts our line.

Will you release it, the soul of your dearly departed mother, my aunt? No, I don't think you will. Your target is Father and even the promise of freedom won't drag your attention away from him. I am much the same, your reflection in a cracked mirror.

We are both drawn to our Father's darkness, it is what binds us to the paths we tread.

"Come to me Riffeal; this is the last of my blood. Use it wisely. Help my brother to do what I could not."

The slash of a knife, a bloody baptism, the face of my guardian angel, then peace and darkness. See you in hell my beloved and hated brother.

  


**  
_Bids you all adieu_   
**   



End file.
